As the wine went, the night came.
My clothes are filled with petals…
Drunkenly, I stagger to the stream,
To find the moon below and above.
A distant bird, distant people.
As the wine went, the night came.
My clothes are filled with petals…
Drunkenly, I stagger to the stream,
To find the moon below and above.
A distant bird, distant people.
Lost ConsCIOusness 
I tend to dislike -ly words in poetry. I think it would read much cleaner as “Drunk, I stagger to the stream.” It’s smoother and has more punch.
Other than that, though, I love it! I’m interested in the relevance of the (what I assume to be) Chinese below the poem.
That is the original text 🙂 It is my translation of a work by the great Classical Chinese poet, Li Bai. Well, someone else translated the literal meaning of each of the characters and I made it into a poem 🙂
This is the original – http://www.chinese-poems.com/lb14t.html
That’s awesome! I think you’ve done a great job. Your translation comes off as much more natural than the literal.
Thanks 🙂 I highly recommend the Penguin book of Li Bai, or Li Po as they call him, and his friend Tu Fu. It’s a short book but wonderful.
http://www.penguin.co.uk/nf/Book/BookDisplay/0,,9780140442724,00.html
Thank you! I’m constantly looking for new poetry to read, especially poetry from other cultures. It can be a truly freeing experience.